The PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICKS To Persuade & Influence ANYONE! | Robert Cialdini & Lewis Howes | Edited Transcript
A professionally copyedited transcript of Lewis Howes's conversation with Robert Cialdini on reciprocity, commitment, social proof, liking, authority, scarcity, and unity.
This is a professionally copyedited transcript of The PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICKS To Persuade & Influence ANYONE! | Robert Cialdini & Lewis Howes. It has been edited for readability and lightly formatted while preserving the substance of the discussion.
Episode Guide
00:01 - Reciprocity and pre-suasion: why the frame before the ask changes how the ask is received.
13:56 - Giving first without making it feel like a tactic: relevance, freshness, and acknowledging the exchange.
24:00 - Commitment and consistency: how small public commitments turn intentions into follow-through.
37:46 - Social proof under uncertainty: why people copy visible choices, especially from people like themselves.
46:20 - Liking: similarity and genuine praise as low-cost ways to reduce social distance.
58:31 - Authority: how demonstrated expertise and visible credentials reduce hesitation.
1:08:29 - Scarcity: loss aversion, limited quantity, and why “what you might miss” moves behavior.
1:17:59 - Modern scarcity examples: NFTs, sneakers, collectibles, and the emotional math of missing out.
1:22:27 - Unity: shared identity as a deeper influence lever than simple similarity.
1:27:02 - Unity in business: co-creation, asking for advice, and bringing real shared membership to the surface.
1:37:15 - Ethics and truthfulness: using real proof, real scarcity, and reciprocal vulnerability instead of manipulation.
1:40:46 - Choosing where to start: apply the principle already present in the situation.
1:43:22 - Closing: Cialdini’s resources, definition of greatness, and a final note on conversational adaptability.
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Full video:
In this *School of Greatness* conversation, Lewis Howes talks with Robert Cialdini about the psychology of influence: reciprocity, commitment, social proof, liking, authority, scarcity, unity, and the ethical line between persuasion and manipulation.
Transcript
00:01-04:00
Robert Cialdini: People often think the key to making a message or appeal more effective is just about what’s inside the message—the core principles like the seven principles I talk about. That’s true, but research shows something else: what you say or do before sending the actual message significantly frames how people receive it.
Lewis Howes: Yeah, that makes sense.
Robert Cialdini: So the first principle, which I think is crucial, is reciprocity. It’s basically that old give-and-take idea—if I give you something, you feel compelled to give something back.
Lewis Howes: Right, like the golden rule of influence. How did you come to see reciprocity as such a foundational principle?
Robert Cialdini: Well, like all the principles I discovered, it happened when I stepped out of the lab and college campus to study real-world influence. I started answering ads to get trained—undercover—in major influence professions: selling cars, insurance, portrait photography over the phone. I didn’t stop there; I infiltrated fundraising and recruiting programs, even cults, to understand what consistently moves people to say yes.
Lewis Howes: That’s wild—cult influence too?
Robert Cialdini: Yeah, looking for commonalities across all these fields whose livelihood depends on getting people to say yes. What shocked me was how few universal principles there really are—only six. And the first always turns out to be reciprocity. People feel a strong urge to return favors to those who first gave to them.
Lewis Howes: So, people usually respond positively when they feel they owe you something?
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. If people sense that they owe you, they’re more likely to say yes to your next request. It means we have to give first—provide benefits, information, advantages, or concessions. That’s what triggers people to want to give back. And this rule exists in every human culture—anthropologists have found no society that doesn’t teach its youth, “You must not take without giving back.”
Lewis Howes: Interesting. So that flips the usual business model around, right? Instead of “Buy from me and then I’ll give you value,” the better way is “Here’s something from me first, then you feel like giving back.”
Robert Cialdini: Exactly, and there’s great evidence supporting this. For example, a study in McDonald’s restaurants in Colombia and Brazil showed that when kids were given balloons upon entering, sales rose by 25%. Not just the kids having a ball, but parents bought more food too—especially items like coffee.
Lewis Howes: Wow, so even a small token like a balloon can drive sales because parents want to reciprocate the kindness shown to their kids?
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. It ties into another principle called unity, which we’ll discuss later. The key takeaway: a favor for my child is a favor for me. It creates a feeling of gratitude and obligation.
Lewis Howes: Why do you think humans feel this obligation so strongly? Is it cultural, innate, psychological?
Robert Cialdini: The primary reason is socialization. From childhood, we learn this rule because it benefits human societies—if people didn’t feel compelled to give back, collaboration and specialization wouldn’t thrive. It’s an evolutionary advantage that lets us trust each other enough to exchange resources and favors without losing what we give.
Lewis Howes: Right, and in every language, we have ugly names for people who take without giving back—like “moochers.”
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. I’ve been a “moocher” myself when I was broke and living on my sister’s couch for over a year. It didn’t feel good to just take, and that experience actually pushed me to study reciprocity even more.
Lewis Howes: That’s powerful. I can relate—I feel uncomfortable when someone pays for me. I almost always insist on paying back because I want to avoid feeling indebted.
Robert Cialdini: Yes, many people feel that way. It’s a deep psychological and social urge to repay. It’s not mean to make you feel bad—it’s about maintaining balanced relationships.
Lewis Howes: Speaking of giving first, Adam Grant’s book *Give and Take* and John Ruhlin’s *Giftology* also talk about these principles.
Robert Cialdini: Yes, both great reads. They emphasize giving without expecting immediate returns, which builds stronger bonds.
Lewis Howes: Now, in online marketing, every site is giving free things just to get you to sign up or buy. Is there a risk of this “giving” becoming oversaturated and losing effectiveness?
Robert Cialdini: Absolutely. When gifts become generic or feel like tactics rather than genuine generosity, their impact diminishes. People sense when something’s just a ploy to trigger obligation.
Lewis Howes: So, how do marketers avoid that trap?
Robert Cialdini: Personalization is key. When what you give fits your audience’s specific needs or interests, it feels authentic, and people are more motivated to reciprocate.
Lewis Howes: Do you have an example?
Robert Cialdini: Sure, another study in a fast food restaurant gave patrons three different things. One group was greeted warmly, another group got a nice key ring, and a third group got a small cup of yogurt. Those who received the key ring bought 12% more food, but those who got the yogurt—a relevant, personalized gift because they were hungry—bought 24% more.
Lewis Howes: That’s fascinating—the gift connected to what they actually wanted that day doubled the impact.
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. A relevant gift doubles the “wow” factor because it feels tailored. I often wonder if letting people choose their flavor would boost it even more.
Lewis Howes: That makes me think about places like See’s Candy where they always give a free sample. It’s such a simple way to create goodwill and obligation.
Robert Cialdini: Right, and sometimes they even give you a couple pieces, which makes you want to buy even more. Just knowing you can get a free sample triggers that inclination to reciprocate.
Lewis Howes: So, how does all this work online? How can someone personalize giving digitally?
Robert Cialdini: If you have a particular expertise and know what your audience wants, offer them something highly relevant. For example, share your top three tips on a topic they care about. That kind of genuine, useful giving fosters real connection and reciprocity.
13:56-14:20
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): There are three things you can do to boost your success with this topic—whatever it is, whether it’s buying insurance or picking motorcycle parts. It shouldn’t just be about promoting your business because that feels like self-promotion. Instead, focus on what will make you a better consumer, a better reviewer, or a better decision-maker in that particular field. Lead with that—that’s key.
14:20-15:04
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): When you give value first, people feel indebted. I’m always of the mindset that you should give your best stuff upfront, for free. Share as much value as possible, and people will think, “Wow, this is amazing. This person really knows their stuff.” You build authority that way. When people see that no one else in your field is giving that kind of value, they start to trust you more, like you more—that’s what builds influence.
15:04-15:36
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Some folks argue, “Don’t give away your best stuff; save it.” But how will people know what your best stuff is unless you give them a sample? You have to offer something upfront—something valuable—otherwise, you can’t prove your worth.
15:36-16:12
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Now, is there a point where giving too much or the same thing repeatedly becomes stale? Like if you offer the same PDF, video, or audio series over many years, do people stop responding? Research says yes—there are diminishing returns if you don’t change things up every six to twelve months. The key is that your gift needs to be new and unexpected. That boosts the chances people will reciprocate. It has to feel personalized and unique, not the same old thing.
16:12-17:02
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): So what else should we know about reciprocation? Is there a downside to giving too much? Like if I spend a lot on giving and it’s not making money, is that a problem? Actually, yes, there is. Here’s a mistake people often make: if you do something very helpful for someone and they thank you, it’s tempting to brush it off, like, “No big deal, it was just part of the job.” But by doing that, you actually throw reciprocity out the window—you downplay the favor and lose the chance to create an ongoing exchange.
17:02-18:00
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Instead, I recommend saying something like, “Of course, I was glad to help—that’s what partners do for each other.” It’s important to acknowledge and map out the favor, not dismiss it. That way, the other person feels a stronger drive to reciprocate because you’ve made it clear that an exchange is expected. This works when you already have a relationship, when you’re friends or partners.
18:00-19:00
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): But what if it’s the first time you’ve helped someone and you don’t yet have that relationship? Then say something like, “I was glad to do it, and I know if the situation were ever reversed, you’d do the same for me.” Notice the phrasing—don’t say “I know you would have done it,” because that assumes the past, which may never happen. Instead, talk about a potential future situation. This puts the person on the record and makes it more likely they’ll say yes the next time you ask for something.
19:00-20:00
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): It’s so subtle, the way we communicate matters a lot in creating the life we want or struggling repeatedly. Chris Voss, who wrote “Never Split the Difference,” talks about these tiny nuances in communication that can change everything. The words we use at just the right moment can transform our lives for the better—or not. Learning to use these communication tools ethically creates win-win-win scenarios. That’s how you build long-lasting, profitable relationships with people who trust and respect you.
20:00-21:00
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): I saw my father do this in the insurance business for over 30 years. We lived in a small town in Delaware, Ohio, and he always bought locally, built relationships, sent gifts, handwritten letters, and little notes. He’d even include newspaper clippings about his clients as a personal touch—always giving first. That mindset worked for him for decades in the pre-internet, pre-social media days, and you can absolutely do it online or offline now. This law—the principle of reciprocation—is timeless.
21:00-22:00
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): I have a colleague, my speaker’s agent in Europe, who had a big client that was a slow payer—he wouldn’t pay invoices for six months. Everyone told her to drop him, but I asked what she knew about him. She said, “Not much, except he’s an art lover.” So I told her to visit local art galleries, pick up postcards from exhibitions, and send one along with the invoice. She did it, and it cut the payment time in half. It’s brilliant—if you want to get paid, you have to stand out and do things differently.
22:00-23:20
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Add something simple, like a Starbucks card for $25, with the invoice and a thank-you note. Suddenly, your client is the one saying thank you. It’s small gestures like this that make all the difference.
23:20-24:00
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Anything else about reciprocation? I think we’ve covered the most important points. To me, it all comes down to coming from a genuine place of giving first—wanting to add value, to serve, to offer. Without that mindset, relationships—whether in business, intimate life, or family—are hard to sustain if you’re always just taking. But giving first sets up those long-term win-win-win scenarios.
24:00-25:03
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): We’re definitely on the same page. Always come from service first—figure out how you can enhance someone else’s outcomes, and as a result, they’ll want to enhance yours. Now, moving on to the next principle: commitment and consistency. People often ask me how I built my online business or podcast so big, so fast. My answer is simple: commitment and consistency.
25:03-26:00
Speaker (Lewis Howes): That’s right. It’s the most boring but true answer. For eight and a half years, I’ve shown up every week, committed to my vision and mission to serve people, never missing a week. When you match consistency with commitment to your purpose, it pays off. Can you elaborate on commitment and consistency?
26:00-27:00
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Absolutely. You have to have a strong inner commitment to your vision and keep moving steadily toward your goals with actions that really push you forward. At the same time, remember that people you want to influence also value consistency—they want to see themselves as consistent individuals.
One way to tap into this is by linking what you offer to someone’s existing values or preferences. Show that what you’re asking or offering aligns with what they already believe or committed to. Because people naturally want to act congruently with their previous choices and values, this makes them more likely to move in your direction.
For example, a restaurant in Chicago had a problem with no-shows. The owner changed the receptionist’s script slightly. Instead of saying, “Please call if you need to change or cancel your reservation,” she said, “Will you please call if you need to change or cancel your reservation?” — then paused. That pause makes people want to respond affirmatively, saying “Of course, I will.” It leverages their desire to remain consistent.
27:30
Robert Cialdini: When people publicly reciprocate and make a commitment, like saying “yes, I will,” it’s powerful. You know, once you’ve made a commitment—it’s interesting—no-shows dropped by 67 percent.
27:37
Robert Cialdini: That’s because people have publicly committed themselves to the act. We all want to live up to what we say. We prefer to keep our word about ourselves.
27:51
Lewis Howes: Yeah. So by making that commitment explicit, like saying “Yes, I will,” you give people something to be consistent with.
27:59
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. A polite request is just a suggestion, but when you ask for a commitment, it’s different. The smartest thing about his recommendation was asking her to pause—people had to actively say something.
28:20
Lewis Howes: Oh man, yeah! Here’s another one I love.
28:25
Robert Cialdini: A guy called me a few years ago, a Boy Scout leader. They’d arranged with a supermarket to set up tables outside where they sold popcorn to raise money for the troop. But their results were terrible—only about 15 percent would buy.
28:52
Robert Cialdini: I get it, though. If people wanted popcorn, they’d have bought it inside already. They’re tired, they’ve spent their money—it’s a hard sell.
29:07
Lewis Howes: So what were they saying to people?
29:09
Robert Cialdini: They’d say, “Would you like to buy some popcorn? If you do, you can support the Boy Scouts.”
29:15
Lewis Howes: Yeah, that sounds straightforward.
29:18
Robert Cialdini: I told them to try something different. Instead, say, “Excuse me, do you support the Boy Scouts?” Most people say yes. If they say no, well, that’s a different issue, but most do. Then you say, “If you do, would you like to buy some popcorn to support us?”
29:42
Lewis Howes: Wow! And how did that go?
29:45
Robert Cialdini: The success rate jumped from 15 to 55 percent. Even more interesting—some people said, “No, I don’t want the popcorn, but here’s a donation because I support the Boy Scouts.”
30:02
Lewis Howes: That’s incredible! So they were making money even without selling popcorn.
30:07
Robert Cialdini: Right, and that’s because they first got people to make a simple commitment—expressing support. Also, the way you ask the question steers people to say yes before you ask them for the sale itself.
30:27
Lewis Howes: That’s brilliant. It reminds me of when I studied your book back in the early 2010s, plus other experts in behavioral psychology and influence. Like Frank Luntz with “Words That Work”—how just changing one word can change everything.
30:50
Lewis Howes: Seeing these simple tweaks create such big results is fascinating. Learning these things really pays off.
31:26
Robert Cialdini: Absolutely. The return on investment is incredible, and the “investment” is basically just asking them to take one more breath—a pause. It costs nothing.
31:47
Robert Cialdini: Let me give a practical tip for managers running teams. After a meeting where each person has a task to complete before the next meeting, don’t let anyone leave until they say, “Will you be able to finish this task by then?”
32:15
Robert Cialdini: Ask, “Do you think you’ll finish or at least make progress by our next meeting?” If they say no, then explore what they need—more resources, help, or priorities shifted—to get to yes.
32:55
Robert Cialdini: If they say yes, they’ve now publicly committed, which motivates them to prioritize the task. No one wants to break their word.
33:16
Lewis Howes: That’s so true. Breaking commitments even harms your self-esteem. You lose confidence, and your sense of trust in yourself diminishes, which impacts how likable you feel to yourself.
33:32
Robert Cialdini: Exactly, and people often think about reputations with others, but living up to your own standards is just as crucial. You’ll take the necessary steps to keep your promises to yourself and others.
34:00
Lewis Howes: If I wanted listeners to watch or listen regularly, what’s a good question I could ask to get them committed to showing up? What would you suggest?
34:25
Robert Cialdini: Start small. Ask something like, “Could you listen to last week’s podcast or any of the others and then tell me if it was worth it? Would you like to get value like this regularly?”
34:48
Robert Cialdini: Then say, “If you commit to that, I commit to delivering valuable content every time.”
35:11
Lewis Howes: I love that. It creates a mutual commitment.
35:18
Robert Cialdini: Here’s another tip about wording. Say you’re a manager and your team is halfway toward a big goal. The usual advice is to congratulate their progress—but that’s actually a mistake.
35:47
Robert Cialdini: If you say “congratulations on your progress,” you ask them to look backward, which might make them feel satisfied and ready to coast. Instead, say, “congratulations on your commitment to finishing this goal.”
36:32
Robert Cialdini: That way they focus forward and are much more likely to finish the goal on time. Research confirms that using “commitment” rather than “progress” significantly boosts goal completion.
36:47
Lewis Howes: I’m writing that down. Make sure it’s their commitment—theirs to the goal.
37:14
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. That one word shift makes a huge difference.
37:20
Lewis Howes: I love this—it’s all about commitment and consistency.
37:25
Lewis Howes: I was always curious as a teenager and young man about how people got me to say yes to things I wasn’t even interested in. Like when they wanted me to buy something I didn’t want. It has to be in the psychology of how they presented it.
37:46
Lewis Howes: The next principle is social proof, which I’ve always found fascinating. Your book has many stories about this. I’m reminded of the example where two coffee shops or donut shops sell the same thing, but one has a long line and the other doesn’t. Most people choose the one with the long line because it signals social proof—if others want it, it must be good. Can you explain social proof a bit more?
38:22
Robert Cialdini: Sure, and I want to compliment you on that example because it perfectly illustrates the principle. When we’re uncertain about what to do, we look to the choices of others to guide us—it reduces our uncertainty.
38:45
Robert Cialdini: People will wait in line just because everyone else wants that thing—like at a nightclub where waiting outside in line is part of the allure.
39:04
Robert Cialdini: You’re willing to endure inconvenience—waiting 10, 20, even 30 minutes—for something purely because others have validated it. That’s the power of social proof.
39:20
Lewis Howes: Yeah, sometimes you wait in line for a nightclub or something that’s not even that great once you get inside, but the social proof pulls you in.
39:33
Lewis Howes: Here’s a story of how social proof worked for me back in 2009, when I first learned this principle from you. I got a big press opportunity—a big five-page spread in Details magazine, which was a pretty big deal back then, kind of like GQ.
39:56
Lewis Howes: The writer told me the story was about online marketers that help people make more money, and they were featuring names like Tim Ferriss, Gary Vaynerchuk, and Seth Godin. They wanted to include me as well, flew me out to New York for a big photoshoot.
40:27
Lewis Howes: I was a nobody compared to those guys. I had a very small following back then, teaching LinkedIn strategies since 2008, but here I was standing alongside these big names. I said yes immediately, and after the piece published, I remember asking the writer...
40:59-41:43
Robert Cialdini: When the article got published, I didn’t want to ask the writer beforehand, but later I asked him, “Why did you choose me for this feature?” He said he had seen someone retweet one of my tweets—someone influential to him. That led him to check out the link in my bio, where he saw my website. Right at the top, he noticed that I had been featured in Time Magazine, Fast Company, and a few other places. That was the main research they did before reaching out. It was two layers of social proof: first, seeing someone else share my message on Twitter, and second, seeing logos of respected media outlets where I’d been mentioned. Even though my mentions were small, like not major feature articles, just showing where I’d been featured made a difference. He said, “Because other people desired you and wanted to talk about you, I figured you were good enough for us.” That small detail I learned from you really unlocked a lot for me.
41:44-42:30
Lewis Howes: Yeah, I think if people really understood these subtle things—just make sure you’re showing where you’ve been featured. Having those visible will bring new opportunities.
Robert Cialdini: Absolutely. That’s the essence of social proof—what are people like me doing? What have they done that reduces my uncertainty about what I should do? And it works in so many scenarios. For example, there was this neat study in a London pub. One day, the owner put up a sign on the bar: “This week, our most popular beer is our porter.” The sales of porter doubled just because they pointed out it was the most popular choice.
Lewis Howes: Wow, we all have a “most popular” item for our product, service, or payment plan. All we have to do is point to it, and people immediately think, “Okay, I can stop searching and choose this now.”
42:31-43:38
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. I feel like we’re all suckers for this—not in a bad way. When I’m at a new restaurant, I don’t even look at the whole menu. I just ask the waiter, “What are the three most popular items? What do you love the most?” And then I order based on that because I don’t want to dig through the entire menu; I want to know what others like. Amazon is a master at this—always showing a “recommended choice,” the one with the most reviews and credibility. I usually buy that one because it has the social proof. I do the same at restaurants, too, but I add one thing: I ask separately for popular items in each category—the appetizers, mains, and desserts—because I want to know what the regular customers prefer. Those regulars are like verified buyers; they’ve already done the beta testing for me. I don’t have to take the risk of trying something unproven.
Lewis Howes: I wonder if any menus highlight the most popular item in every category? I’ve seen a few that do it for one item, but never across the board.
43:39-44:34
Robert Cialdini: I can confirm that. There was a study in Beijing where restaurant managers put an asterisk next to top items in each category. That simple mark made sales jump by 13 to 20 percent for those items. So you can predict ingredient needs, manage inventory smarter, and increase profit margins—all just by showing which items are the most popular.
Lewis Howes: That’s brilliant.
44:35-45:11
Robert Cialdini: And the best part is customers are happier because they feel like they’re making the best choice—it’s what everyone else loves. Psychologically, that feels good. If you’re genuinely pointing people toward the most popular options, you reduce their uncertainty and give them a better experience. They’re more likely to come back. Plus, you’ll get better at making those popular items really great since they’re consistently in demand. It’s a win-win situation all around.
Lewis Howes: Definitely, and you don’t have to single out just one item—you could have a couple of “most popular” items in each category.
Robert Cialdini: Exactly, the top two or so in each category work just fine.
45:12-46:19
Lewis Howes: Is there anything else about social proof we should know?
Robert Cialdini: Yes, it’s not just about many others—it’s about comparable others. We reduce our uncertainty best by seeing what people like us have done. For example, hotel sites might segment their ratings: “Best hotels for business travelers,” “Best for romantic couples,” “Best for families.” That way, you look for info that relates specifically to you or your situation and trust it more.
Lewis Howes: That makes sense—people trust recommendations from folks like themselves.
46:20-47:15
Robert Cialdini: Right. On liking, the next principle—what’s the difference between liking and likability? You get liking by being likable, but research shows two small things that make people like us more: One is pointing out similarities between us. People naturally like those who are like them. There was a study where negotiators bargained over email. When they first shared personal info, negotiations that had been stuck 30% of the time dropped to only 6%. The key? It wasn’t how much info they shared, but whether they found genuine parallels—like both being runners or both being only children. Those similarities make people willing to give each other grace, avoiding deadlocked negotiations.
Lewis Howes: So finding common ground builds goodwill and smoother negotiations.
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. The second thing that triggers liking is praise—giving compliments.
47:16-48:03
Lewis Howes: I’m going to admit—giving genuine praise isn’t always easy for me.
Robert Cialdini: I understand. For me, it was because of how I grew up. My parents didn’t often give praise or say things like, “Great job.” They always wanted me to push harder, so I got used to not hearing praise. I’d often think something was brilliant in my head but didn’t say it out loud. I missed out on all the goodwill that comes from expressing that praise.
48:04-49:02
Lewis Howes: So what changed?
Robert Cialdini: Now, anytime I catch myself praising someone mentally, I make sure to say it out loud. I can’t tell you how much better the social interactions and goodwill are after I started doing that, especially in meetings or sessions with my students.
49:03-50:19
Lewis Howes: That’s powerful. I’ve also applied many of these principles. When I started using LinkedIn back in 2007, I would reach out to influential CEOs and business leaders but rarely got replies. Then I started using the liking strategy from your book. In the first sentence of my emails, I’d find similarities—whether common mutual friends, the same college, hometown, or sports interests—and mention those. I think social networking is great because you can usually see those overlaps right away.
Robert Cialdini: Yes, exactly. Those shared connections reduce distance and increase trust, making people more likely to respond and engage.
54:20-55:43
Speaker 1: I usually ask if they played sports because it reveals their hobbies, interests, and social circles. Like, if I see you’re a public speaker and I’m in Toastmasters, or if I notice you played football and I just finished playing arena football, I try to include at least three layers of common ground in my first sentence. Doing this, I got about eight or nine replies out of ten, compared to only one or two before. I also acknowledge something in their career that inspires me. I research their background thoroughly and say something like, “I really liked what you put out,” or “I admire how you achieved this,” and I mention that before asking to learn more. Previously, I’d say, “Can I get some advice? Can I take just ten minutes of your time?” But I realized no one wants to just hand out advice and sacrifice their time when they’re busy. People love to share their stories of success and how they overcame challenges. So, I changed my approach—I didn’t ask for advice; instead, I expressed genuine inspiration from their journey. This got me many connections, and by simply listening, I ended up receiving all the advice I needed.
55:46-56:43
Lewis Howes: It seems you’ve hit on the two main pillars of liking: similarity and praise. We naturally like people who are like us, and we also like people who like us. Compliments play a big role—when someone gives us a sincere compliment, we want to say yes, to do business with them, or at least respond positively. The best part? It costs nothing to give praise.
Robert Cialdini: Exactly, but it has to be genuine. Phony compliments don’t work—they come off as insincere. But if you truly research someone, understand their challenges, and recognize what they’ve overcome, your praise rings true.
Lewis Howes: Absolutely, liking is powerful. Two simple ways to get more people to like you are finding commonalities and giving genuine compliments. It only takes a bit of research and thoughtfulness.
Robert Cialdini: And it’s not hard research. People share so much about themselves on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram—you can see their interests, family, where they live. They want you to know this stuff about them.
56:46-57:55
Lewis Howes: I bet when you get an email from someone who’s done their homework—shares similarities, acknowledges your work or how your book impacted them—you’re far more likely to reply. Maybe you won’t have a long conversation, but at least you’ll say thank you, appreciate them, or be open to future contact. I feel the same way; it’s hard to ignore sincere compliments. It creates a sense of reciprocity—you want to respond.
Robert Cialdini: Definitely. Plus, if you share mutual friends, you feel even more obligated to respond. You don’t want to be the jerk who ignores someone common friends respect.
Lewis Howes: Exactly, reciprocity is a powerful force—it compels you to act.
58:31-1:00:01
Lewis Howes: Alright, moving on—the next principle is authority. Many people just starting out in their career or business feel like they have no authority. Why is it important to establish authority, and how can someone build it authentically? Also, what happens if you don’t?
Robert Cialdini: Well, authority comes in two forms, and both influence people to say yes. The first type is simply holding a position of authority—a role or rank within a hierarchy. But that’s power, not influence, which is different. Here, I’m talking about genuine authority—the kind that comes from knowledge, experience, and credentials. It could be someone fresh out of school who knows all the latest research or someone who’s been in the field for a long time with deep experience. If you can point to real credentials, it establishes your authority.
1:00:02-1:01:46
Robert Cialdini: For example, I worked with a hospital in Phoenix where stroke patients weren’t doing their home rehab exercises, so they weren’t improving. I asked to see their setup, and there was a small room with pictures on the walls. I recommended replacing those pictures with diplomas, awards, certifications—things that displayed the therapists’ credibility. After that, compliance improved by 31%. When patients saw evidence of authority, they took it more seriously.
Lewis Howes: So, showcasing your credentials is key, but you can’t exactly tell someone face-to-face, “Let me tell you how great I am.”
Robert Cialdini: No, instead, you do it subtly. Send a resume or LinkedIn profile before your meeting, or include your letters and initials at the bottom of your email signature. People notice that. Imagine your name on a book with or without a “PhD” at the end—it adds subtle credibility.
Lewis Howes: Yeah, and your book also has over five million copies sold, which adds social proof.
Robert Cialdini: Exactly, both are genuine—no need to fake anything. The number of sales is massive social proof, then you have credible sources recommending you, plus your credentials. All of this is right up front on the book cover. I’ve had to fight publishers just to keep that info visible because they want more white space, but I argue, “I’m talking about authority here!”
Lewis Howes: Praise and social proof on the back cover reinforce that too.
Robert Cialdini: Yes, and now many authors follow this format because it works. The newest research shows that authority multiplies when you have quotes or testimonials not just about you or your product, but even about your ideas. Having legitimate experts endorse you increases your authority.
1:04:51-1:06:26
Robert Cialdini: You want that authority vibe to saturate everything you send—at the very top, not buried down below. This sets the tone, so people don’t have to guess if you’re credible.
Lewis Howes: So that’s for book proposals, websites...
Robert Cialdini: Especially websites. The first thing you should see on someone’s site is powerful testimonials from impressive people. Most have those, but buried in a separate section. They should be front and center because it immediately conveys authority and credibility.
Lewis Howes: I use this myself. On my website, I display logos of places I’ve been featured. It instantly boosts authority. People see it, and authority sinks in immediately, rather than making them scroll to find it.
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. I once worked with Bose on their Wave Music System. After initial sales growth, they added endorsements from authorities at the bottom of their ads. We had them move those endorsements to the top. Just that change boosted sales by 15%. Simple but powerful.
Lewis Howes: Yeah, the movie industry does the same thing with banners like “Movie of the Year by Entertainment Magazine” plastered right at the top.
Robert Cialdini: Right, those are tangible examples of authority making a difference in persuasion.
1:07:46-1:08:04
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): You know, you’ll always see those flashing up in movie trailers—you know, like, “20 Emmy nominations” or “the authoritative movie of the year.” And you just think, if everyone else loves it, calling it authoritative, I’ve got to see it. Right? “20 Emmy nominations”—you just have to go watch it. That’s the authority factor at work.
1:08:06-1:08:28
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Remember what I said about social proof? It reduces your uncertainty about what you should do. The same goes for authority. If experts recommend something, it reduces your uncertainty. You don’t have to hesitate or waffle—you can just go for it. I love that.
1:08:29-1:08:43
Lewis Howes: Yeah, I love that. So we’re talking here about the final principle from the original version, before the new one you mentioned. It’s scarcity, right? Can you explain why scarcity works so well—why we want things that are rare, scarce, or limited—from a psychological angle? And how does that apply now in this digital world where there’s, like, unlimited digital goods? How do they use scarcity ethically?
1:08:45-1:09:19
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): I want to take those two questions in order—that’s the right sequence. First off, the reason we want scarce or rare things—things that are dwindling in availability—is that otherwise, we lose them. Loss is a much stronger motivator in human psychology than gaining something of equal value.
1:09:20-1:09:59
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Daniel Kahneman, who won the Nobel Prize in Economics a few years ago, came up with something called prospect theory. He showed that the prospect of losing a resource—say, a dollar—is way more powerful than the prospect of gaining that same dollar. In fact, people are roughly twice as motivated to avoid losing money than to gain the same amount.
1:10:00-1:10:42
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): So, if you had a million dollars on the table, you’d be more focused on not losing it than on gaining it. I once gave a talk to a financial services firm, and afterwards the boss came up and said, “You finally made me understand what my mentor told me. If you have a high-value client, you don’t call them at 5 a.m. and say, ‘You can gain $25,000 on this stock.’ They’ll hang up on you. But if you say, ‘If you act now, you can avoid losing $25,000,’ they’ll actually thank you.” People hate losing what they already have.
1:10:43-1:11:55
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): That’s why scarcity is so powerful. Scarcity means loss—the ultimate form of scarcity is not being able to get it anymore. People cling tightly to scarce or dwindling resources because they don’t want to lose out.
1:11:56-1:12:52
Lewis Howes: So how do you apply this when you have lots of opportunities or products?
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Two things. One, you do have something scarce that sets you apart from your competitors. What’s that one thing—or maybe a combination of things—that people will lose if they don’t move in your direction right now? It might not be just a single item, but a unique suite of benefits only you offer.
1:12:53-1:13:09
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): And you don’t just say, “If you go with us, you’ll gain these benefits.” You say, “You don’t want to lose these benefits we uniquely provide. You don’t want to miss out on this.” That’s the difference—framing it as avoiding loss.
1:13:10-1:13:59
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): I mentioned a Bose ad where we tested something—they had new features, convenience, simplicity, elegance. Before, the ad just said “new” at the top. We changed it to “Hear what you’ve been missing.” That shift gave a 45% sales increase. So instead of focusing purely on the gain of new features, we made people feel like they were missing out on something. That taps into the loss aversion instinct.
1:14:00-1:14:45
Lewis Howes: That’s fascinating. Humans really respond to that. Another reason scarcity stands out is because of how digital goods are sold—like NFTs. Those digital art pieces sell out in seconds because they’re limited. Even in my city, I see people lining up for limited sneaker drops. Apple does this too, with limited runs of new iPhones, and people camp out days to be first.
1:14:46-1:15:58
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Right. And among all online commercial sites, in a study of thousands, when they tested what drove conversions, the top factors were the six principles of influence. Number one was scarcity—specifically, having a limited number of items at a set price or with a certain feature. That outperformed even limited-time offers because limited quantity creates competition—you either act or you lose it. Limited time lets you wait until the last minute, but limited quantity forces immediate action.
1:15:59-1:17:16
Lewis Howes: So scarcity beats limited time offers because it triggers competition and fear of missing out immediately. What else was important?
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Number two was social proof—telling people what others like them are doing. Number three was limited time. And something rarely used online but very effective was the liking principle. They started sites with a welcoming letter—not just a cold landing page, but a warm “Hello, we’re glad you’re here. Come on in.” Just like you would welcome someone at your door.
1:17:17-1:17:58
Lewis Howes: Oh wow, that’s really interesting.
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Yeah, and authority traditionally comes before liking in the influence order, but these were some of the top drivers in those tests.
1:17:59-1:18:25
Lewis Howes: This is amazing stuff. I’m taking notes like crazy. Scarcity has really taken off, especially in the last few years.
1:18:26-1:19:45
Lewis Howes: For example, with NFTs—digital art pieces that are scarce and sell out in seconds. Here in Los Angeles, sneakerheads line up for limited sneaker releases. Apple has done this with new iPhones where people camp out for days. The collectible card market has exploded too. Just a couple of days ago, the Honus Wagner baseball card sold for $6.6 million—the highest price ever. That’s just a tiny piece of cardboard, but because it’s scarce, it commands millions.
1:19:46-1:21:36
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): That’s crazy, but it’s the perfect example. Here’s the best story I’ve heard about this with Apple. At the release of the iPhone 5 in Phoenix, a reporter interviewed people camping out in line for days. One woman was originally 25th in line but traded spots with the woman 23rd in exchange for a $2,800 Louis Vuitton bag. That’s how powerful scarcity and loss aversion are. She gave up a super valuable bag just to move up two spots in line because she heard that store didn’t have many iPhones left and she didn’t want to miss out.
1:21:37-1:22:02
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Scarcity is all about loss—you want to highlight limited quantity or exclusive packages so people don’t miss out. That’s what makes it so potent.
1:22:03-1:22:25
Lewis Howes: That’s a solid breakdown. So the first book has been out over a decade, right?
Speaker (Robert Cialdini): Yeah, about 12 years before the new version came out. Those six principles have been hugely influential for big companies, entrepreneurs, lifestyle businesses, and online platforms alike.
1:22:27-1:22:45
Lewis Howes: You’ve been researching influence for the last 12 years, and now with this new expanded version of your work, you’ve added an additional principle called unity. Can you explain what unity is and why you decided to include it as a new principle of influence?
1:22:46-1:23:13
Robert Cialdini: Sure. I realized I was mistaken in thinking unity was just a subset of similarity. Unity is actually deeper than that. If, as a communicator, I can get someone to see that we share membership in the same group — a “we” group, basically — everything inside that boundary becomes easier. For example, if we’re part of the same college alumni association, or share some identity category, that changes how we relate.
1:23:14-1:23:38
Robert Cialdini: This isn’t just about similarity. Even things like sharing the same region — same city, state, or country — create this sense of belonging. It’s like saying, “we belong here.” That shared identity, that “we,” makes all negotiations or interactions work better.
1:23:39-1:24:07
Lewis Howes: Right. And before we went on air, you mentioned some of your followers want to learn how to use these principles in their personal lives to improve outcomes. There’s a great example of how the unity principle works in romantic relationships, right?
1:24:08-1:24:39
Robert Cialdini: Absolutely. In romantic relationships, you often have disagreements you can’t resolve. Researchers in Texas brought couples into a lab and asked them to think about an issue they hadn’t been able to agree on. Then they had one partner try to persuade the other using different approaches — while being recorded on camera.
1:24:40-1:25:01
Robert Cialdini: They identified three types of persuaders. One was the coercive approach: “You need to do this, or else...” That didn’t work; it actually pushed the other person further away. Then there was the rational, logical approach: “If you just examine the facts, you’ll see I’m right.” That didn’t produce polarization, but it just got laughter — no real buy-in.
1:25:02-1:25:23
Robert Cialdini: Only one approach worked, and it was by a very small percentage of people. They just reminded their partner they were a unit — saying something like, “We’ve been together for two and a half years, and I’d really appreciate it if you’d do this for me.” They literally brought their shared identity to the surface. No new facts, no stronger logic, just reminding “we” are in this together.
1:25:24-1:25:52
Robert Cialdini: Inside “we” groups, people support and compromise. There’s also an even simpler way to do this — just use the pronouns “we,” “our,” and “us” when making requests for change. Just the language itself can shift the mindset towards partnership and cooperation.
1:25:53-1:26:10
Lewis Howes: So it’s about raising awareness of the shared identity. That could be anything — like going to the same gym, liking the same food or restaurants. You’re saying any kind of shared “we” community applies here?
1:26:11-1:26:29
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. For example, I grew up in Wisconsin, and I’m a lifelong Green Bay Packers fan. I recently saw that Justin Timberlake and Lil Wayne are also fans. Just knowing that made me think better of their music — suddenly they were “one of us.” That identity connection shifted my perception completely.
1:26:30-1:27:01
Lewis Howes: And I’m guessing the more emotionally connected you are to the identity, the stronger the effect. Like, if you’re a super fan, and someone else is too, you’re naturally going to support them more. It’s a powerful bond.
1:27:02-1:27:37
Lewis Howes: How do you suggest someone incorporate this unity principle in business negotiations?
1:27:38-1:28:05
Robert Cialdini: First, just like you look for similarities in preferences or style, you can look for shared categories or identities, then bring those up early — like “You’re a boater? So am I.” That little “yes” moment primes a shared identity.
1:28:06-1:28:46
Robert Cialdini: Another hugely successful marketing strategy is co-creation. Inviting customers or potential customers to help create the next version of a product builds unity. You ask them for input on what to improve, what to drop, what to add. This makes them feel like partners because they’re part of the creation process. That’s why crowdfunding platforms like Kickstarter are so popular — people get behind projects because they helped shape them, even before the product exists.
1:28:47-1:29:13
Robert Cialdini: And here’s a little word trick: instead of asking for “feedback” or “opinions,” ask for “advice.” When you ask for feedback, people tend to take a half step back internally, considering what they think. But when you ask for advice, they come alongside you psychologically. It builds partnership. Research shows people like your idea more when you ask for advice rather than feedback.
1:29:14-1:29:30
Lewis Howes: That’s amazing — one word can really change how people respond.
1:29:31-1:30:07
Robert Cialdini: Yeah, it’s fascinating. Anything else about unity? I’d add that you don’t have to invent unity; just bring it to consciousness where it already exists. For example, I once needed some data for a report due the next day. A colleague, let’s call him Tim, was known to be difficult. When I called to ask for the data, he said no. Normally, I might have pushed or argued, but instead I said, “Tim, we’ve been in the same psychology department for 12 years. I’d really appreciate it if you could help me out.” The data came to me that afternoon.
1:30:08-1:30:46
Robert Cialdini: Because I reminded him of our shared identity and history, he felt obligated out of loyalty, not obligation. Doesn’t happen when you just push. It’s human psychology at work — people want to support their “we” groups. If you’re seen as a bad member, people hesitate.
1:30:47-1:31:20
Lewis Howes: It’s powerful to realize that understanding people, learning to speak their language, can make everything flow—synchronicities show up, and life feels abundant, like you’re a magnet for what you want.
1:31:21-1:31:40
Robert Cialdini: Exactly. And the best part is it can be completely ethical, because you’re simply pointing to truths that already exist: “We’ve been together 12 years in this unit,” or “We both like running,” or any genuine shared identity.
1:31:41-1:31:49
Robert Cialdini: That understanding and highlighting of unity changes all interactions for the better.
1:37:15
Lewis Howes: With any of these things we’ve talked about — it’s not about manipulation. It’s really about reaffirming and connecting, pointing to something true. Like social proof, real authority, or genuine scarcity — that’s it.
1:37:33
Lewis Howes: This is fascinating. I’ve got a few more questions for you. Honestly, I feel like we’ve only been talking for 20 minutes, but it’s been almost two hours now. I could talk about this stuff all day long.
1:37:53
Lewis Howes: I’m curious about how to use some of this information to get the truth out of someone. Have you done any research or applied any practices using your seven principles to see if someone is telling the truth? Or to encourage someone to be more honest — whether in business or just life?
1:38:13
Robert Cialdini: Yeah, sure. When we talk about reciprocation, the first thing to remember is that self-disclosure is reciprocal. If you start by being honest and open—like saying, “I’m going to be honest with you about this, that, and the other”—people tend to open up and share something truthful about themselves in return.
1:38:40
Robert Cialdini: The key is you have to go first. It’s like giving a gift; once you give the first gift, others feel compelled to give back. I use this a lot on my show. If I want a guest to be vulnerable and open up, I lead by sharing something vulnerable about myself first — maybe something hard to say in front of a stranger, a challenge I’ve faced, or a proud moment and how it made me feel. That encourages them to be vulnerable, too.
1:39:18
Robert Cialdini: So, these are the things we’ve talked about—how to apply these principles in real life. First, you have to know what they are. Then, you use them assertively, with good intentions, to guide people toward things they don’t want to miss—things backed by authority or social proof—so that everyone wins.
1:39:59
Lewis Howes: Where in your own life are you still struggling to use these principles? For example, do you still find praise a challenge?
1:40:05
Robert Cialdini: Yeah, that’s something I still have to fight to remember to do consistently—making sure people get acknowledged for their contributions and ideas. It’s so easy to just move on without publicly appreciating their effort. I have to remind myself to consciously give praise.
1:40:46
Lewis Howes: If someone watching could only apply one of these principles daily and really benefit, which one would you suggest they start with?
1:41:01
Robert Cialdini: I’d tell them to start with the principle that’s already present in the situation at hand. Is there genuine scarcity? Real authority? Credible social proof? Look for what’s already running—what’s naturally there—and harness that.
1:41:32
Robert Cialdini: But as a general strategy, I have a colleague with a teenage son who asked me for advice on how to navigate adulthood. Here’s what I said:
1:42:00
Robert Cialdini: When you enter a new, unfamiliar situation with people you don’t know, assume the best of them. Believe that they want to give their best to you. That mindset allows you to be generous with them.
1:42:36
Robert Cialdini: There are some powerful downstream effects. First, by the principle of reciprocity, they’ll want to be generous with you. Second, by giving that gift of goodwill, they’ll like you more and want to do business with you. And third, once they’ve committed to doing business with you, they’ll want to keep that commitment.
1:43:10
Robert Cialdini: So, creating interactions where people genuinely like and want to be generous with each other—that’s an incredible foundation for any environment, especially work.
1:43:22
Lewis Howes: I love this. Okay, a couple of final questions I ask everyone. First, I want to make sure people get your book — *Influence*. I’ve bought it for so many friends over the years. The new expanded version has so much fresh research and really helps people understand how to apply these principles in their lives and businesses.
1:43:50
Lewis Howes: People can get the book, and they can follow you on social media — Twitter and Facebook, right? Are you on Instagram, too?
1:48:00
Robert Cialdini: Yes, we are on Instagram, but the best place to go is our website, influenceatwork.com. There, you can sign up for the newsletter and get access to data, research, and papers.
1:48:23
Lewis Howes: You’re often called the godfather of influence, and it’s been amazing witnessing your decades-long journey. I’ve started my own journey diving into your research, and it truly is rewarding to apply your findings. I appreciate your steady dedication to finding answers on how we can improve our lives, businesses, and relationships with these practical principles.
1:49:15
Lewis Howes: Thank you for showing up consistently and sharing these tools. Before you go, here’s my final question: What’s your definition of greatness?
1:49:40
Robert Cialdini: I’d say greatness is the ability to transcend your circumstances—not be trapped or defined by the hand you’re dealt, but to rise above and beyond them.
1:50:03
Lewis Howes: Robert, thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it.
1:50:06
Robert Cialdini: I enjoyed it.
1:50:08
Lewis Howes: One other thing that helps with conversations is adaptability. A lot of people lack that. Like when I’m trying to get specific information, but someone goes off on a tangent with a whole different story, it can be frustrating. People often don’t have the patience to stay on topic, but adaptability is key to keeping conversations productive.
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